EXCLUSIVE: Garth Brooks' Shocking Nashville Press Conference

-Nashville, Tennessee, July 10, 2014-

Above, two of Brooks's better known personas from the past,
 though at Thursday's press conference he simply wore 
a sheer Bob Mackie gown he said "Cher gave me." 

In a stunning press conference viewed by 60 record executives, five local bloggers and a guy from Ireland, Garth Brooks announced Thursday morning that he has actually bought Music Row, which will henceforth be known as 'Billy Joel Row.' 
“I want to preserve the character I found when I got here,” he said, introducing the COO of  ‘BJ Row Ltd.,’ former Nashville Mayor Bill Boner.  “And this is definitely the first character I was aware of, when I got here.”
In an additional nod to environmental concerns here in Music City, Brooks said he plans to plant guitar amplifiers along the center strip of every major thoroughfare in town, so as to reduce traffic and increase musical awareness. 

Garth Brooks's proposed 'Ben Folds West End Median' design

This unprecedented program will be known as ‘AMP,’ but even Brooks couldn't say exactly how that might help traffic flow...or who would do the mix.

Thursday morning’s press conference was so shocking that Taylor Swift could be seen off to the side, looking aghast. (Not at Garth’s announcements, but at the fact that he had actually assembled so many of her ex-boyfriends to hear it.) In addition to Mayer, Kennedy, Gyllenhaal, & Stiles (Brooks's law firm) several actual country stars attended--including Sheryl Crow, Kid Rock, Lionel Richie, Richard Marx, and Peter Frampton.
[Updates to follow.]
                                
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Copyright 2014 by Peter Rodman. All Rights Reserved.